Dear Michel Platini, president of the Union of European Football Associations:
Dear Michel Platini, president of the Union of European Football Associations:
You’ve done a lot of work to make the Euro 2012 championship a success, and I am grateful that you were instrumental in sticking with and believing in Ukraine as co-host of the tournament throughout the years. But you’ve really got to do something to spice up the game; it’s really boring watching guys kick around a football for 92 minutes without achieving their goal – or any goal.
Still, I am swept up in football fever and want only the best for the sport, so please take my suggestion in the spirit in which it is made. My solution: skip the regular phase of the game and decide all matches by penalty kicks.
For the first time in my 52 years of living, I went to a game of football (or soccer, as we Americans like to say). It turned out to be a relatively important match as games go: The Euro 2012 quarterfinal contest on June 24 between Italy and England, also attended by 64,000 other people in Kyiv’s Olympic Stadium.
I had fun, but again it was mostly a dull affair of watching two teams I didn’t care about kicking around a ball without scoring in regulation play, followed by two overtimes of more fruitless kicking around. It was zip-zip. Talk about futility.
My disappointment was also heightened the next day when I learned the two Carlsberg beers I drank were non-alcoholic. I thought they tasted funny, but wasn’t sure.
Back to football: It’s truly amazing that people get so excited over this sport that they schedule their vacations around tournaments and paint their faces in the colors of their national flags.
I had this moment in Olympic Stadium when I thought: “What am I doing here? I don’t really care who wins.” I went with Italy because I regard it as an underdog country, and I’m usually for the underdog (which is why I’m in Ukraine). But then I was kind of for England also because they speak English, and I could sing along with their national anthem quite easily. Even though I don’t care much for the queen, I do hope God saves her.
So, anyway, the closer it got to midnight, the more I just wanted the game to be over. Monday is a working day and by then, I just was in favor of any team that could score. That’s how deeply attached I am to this game.
However, then it got very interesting: the best of five penalty kicks to decide the outcome. It’s a cool concept: First, one side chooses a player to kick it past the goalie, then the other, and then they trade turns, until Italy got the best of England – scoring four of their chances compared to only two for England.
It was fast and thrilling, a welcome contrast to the futile kicking about that preceded the penalty phase. The only thing that could have made it better is if my goal-line seat had been on the other side, where the action was taking place. Instead, I had to turn around and watch it on the big screen TV, raising the question again in my mind about why I was there instead of at a pub enjoying alcoholic beer.
Just then, the idea came to me: Voila! All football should be about penalty kicking, none of this endless up-and-down, wearing out the fields of play.
The games could be over in 30 minutes, maximum. The entire Euro 2012 tournament could be done in a day or two. Think of the billions of dollars that could be saved on stadiums, transport, lodging, souvenirs, beer, etc.
Anyway, this is just friendly advice – feel free to run with my idea if you want. Since you’re a onetime soccer great who is now UEFA’s president, I figure you are a smart guy who knows the difference between a brilliant idea and a boneheaded one.
Sincerely, Brian Bonner
Kyiv Post chief editor Brian Bonner can be reached at [email protected]
