You're reading: Fed up with their men, Ukraine women look west

Olga Belova wants to give marriage another try. But the 38-year-old divorcee intends to be more selective the second time around. She is looking for someone polite and respectful; someone with a job; perhaps someone who will be her soul mate. And she is hoping for someone foreign.

She is pinning those hopes on the Rendezvous marriage agency, one of more than a dozen such businesses in Kyiv that aim to help Ukrainian women find foreign husbands – for a price.

Belova is not alone in her desire to seek a husband in pastures greener than Ukraine. More and more Ukrainian women are being lured by promises of wealthy, stable men in faraway countries.

At the same time, these agencies tempt Western men with promises of beautiful Ukrainian women who have not been spoiled by feminism; women who will cook for them and care for them.

'Ukrainian women are 'tired of being repressed; tired of alcoholics … tired of unemployed boyfriends and husbands,'' reads the Website for the Ukraine Girls International agency. Future foreign husbands do not have to be 'either millionaires or Mr. G.Q. for the women to be interested. They have had enough good-looking boyfriends and husbands who are unemployed, abusive or alcoholics.'

Alla Grigor, who founded Rendezvous, said her firm is particular about the type of men who are chosen.

'Sometimes a man comes to me and he says he wants a young girl with blond hair, pretty and he names all the parameters,' Grigor said. 'But I always tell them that they have come to the wrong place. They should go to the market instead.'

Grigor started her agency four years ago after a succession of misfortunes in her personal life. 'I was betrayed by my husband, sister, my best friends. I was very angry with them. Then my mother and my son got seriously ill, and I felt that I should get rid of these bad thoughts and do something helpful,' she said.

'When a woman comes to me for help, I see her as an autumn: already withering. Even if she is young, she is low-spirited, almost dying,' Grigor said. 'There is no sparkle in her eyes, but after she talks to me and actually sees that there is still a chance for her to have a good life, she is alive again, she goes to a hairdresser and a manicure master, it is like a breath of fresh air for her.'

Belova, who lives with her mother in Kyiv, was one of those women.

She lost her father when she was 24 and got married shortly after. But the marriage was a disaster, because her husband had a drinking problem.

'We did not have children because I had begun to realize what kind of person he was. But I could not leave him because he was my husband, and I felt that he needed my help.'

Once when her husband was drunk, he beat her severely, and that was the last straw, she said. She left him.

Since then, she has had trouble finding the right man. Sometimes she longs for a time when things were different. She remembers her school years when the boys were raised to be polite and respectful toward women. Today, social mores have deteriorated.

'I only see disrespect from people. It seems that this started to appear only recently when the economy collapsed, everybody grew mean. People are unsatisfied with the government, with the way they live, and this tension is reflected in human relations.'

It has made her weary, and she is tired of waiting for life to improve in Ukraine.

'I do not see any future in this country,' Belova said. 'I am tired of the constant blows to the country's economy and in my personal life. I want to find a person who could become my soul mate and then I want to leave this country.'

Belova is an air-traffic controller by profession, but she has been unemployed for four years. She left her job when her boss made a pass at her and threatened to fire her if she didn't comply with his wishes.

'I just could not stand this kind of attitude, and now it is very difficult to find a new job.' Seeing no other way out, Belova went to Rendezvous.

For the majority of Ukrainian women it is a luxury to sign up with a marriage agency. The minimum cost is Hr 1OO, not so cheap when the average Ukrainian salary is Hr 120 a month.

Belova could not afford the service, but Grigor offered her free access to the information and catalogues of men if Belova would help her run the business.

At Rendezvous there are more than 800 female clients in the pool – and the number of clients is growing. It is a competitive process; the younger and prettier women tend to get more offers than the others.

Women put their ads in the agency's catalogue, which is then distributed to overseas marriage agencies. One woman from Rendezvous received more than 300 responses to her ad, but she turned them all down because didn't like the men, Grigor said.

All of the clients at Rendezvous will eventually meet a man, Grigor claims. It just takes time. Sometimes the women choose their own man, but often Grigor does the matchmaking for them.

Most women begin to study English so they can write to their potential husbands. Those who don't know English seek the help of interpreters to correspond with their prospective life partners.

There are catalogues of men from 13 countries in Europe, Australia and North America. Some choose the country where they would like to go, and they study up on it.

Similar agencies in the West provide their male clients with various kinds of services. First the men purchase a catalogue of Ukrainian women. They then buy the addresses and phone numbers of women they are interested in. If both sides agree, the director of the agency arranges an introduction.

The price depends on the number of women they want to meet. Some men pay up to $1,000 searching for their Ukrainian wife. Some agencies offer discounts on older women. The agency Veronica will cut 50 percent off the regular price for men who choose a woman over the age of 40.

At Rendezvous, Grigor sees a wide range of female clients, ranging in age from 18 to 55.

'Sometimes a mother brings her 18-year-old daughter to me and asks to help find a decent man who would be a good husband for her child.' Grigor says. 'Many different women come to me: divorced, those who have kids, single – and they are all desperate.'

They want their lives to be put in order, they want their children and parents to have a decent and secure life 'just like in any other developed country,' said Elena Korol, a 23-year-old divorcee who wants to marry an American man.

Belova is aware that many think that these are merely marriages of convenience.

'We are known as very good wives and have won the reputation of being feminine and caring unlike the feminist women in the West. And it is not a secret that we live very poor and want to get out of here.' It's not just a desperate act, Belova contends.

'The main thing is not just to leave the country, but to be able to build a stable family and know that your children will have future,' she said.

Belova has not found anybody yet, but she is not worried. She has chosen the country of her dreams – Switzerland, or somewhere near. 'I hope that somebody will like me, and we will build a family.'