You're reading: City Life with with Alexandra Matoshko: Stereotypes as superficial as the men who make them

There were quite a few opinion articles about Ukrainian women published in the Kyiv Post over the last year or two. I am finally tired of fighting the urge to have my own say on the topic. So I will spill it all out right here, right now.

Most of those columns accomplished one thing only: They reinforced cliches about Ukrainian women. I try to avoid cliches as much as I can, and find it ridiculous when people accept them as universal truths and act accordingly. Ukraine is known as the “bridebasket of Europe” and, as a result, men come here and behave like kings. They believe they can get any woman they want, just because they have an American or Western European passport.

The Kyiv Post often publishes private ads from men that read something like: “50-year-old doctor wishes to meet a 25-year-old for common life. Must speak English. Must be willing to move to the U.S.” It simply reeks of arrogance to think that dozens of women will line up with the hope of getting picked by him. Well, I have news for you, doc, not all of us are dying to marry you.

The basic cliche about Ukrainian women is this: they are beautiful, agreeable, make great wives and mothers, will be happy to marry a foreigner (no matter the age, looks or income) and move away from the “awful life” they lead in Ukraine. Personally, I don’t know any women who wish to marry just any foreigner. Of course, such women exist. They simply are not part of my inner circle.

On the other hand, I’ve seen different types of women over the years. I have worked with them, studied with them and overheard their conversations in Kyiv night clubs. They all have different desires and plans. Many want to have families in Ukraine or work or do business here. Even if they were tempted by a man to move abroad, it couldn’t be just any guy who suddenly decided he wants to have an attractive woman from Ukraine in his house.

Some foreigners believe that Ukrainian women are mostly after money. Such ladies do indeed exist, and they mar the myth of the perfect Ukrainian bride. They date foreign men or simply exchange letters with them, only to scam them for money. In this case, men can only blame themselves. After all, we all get spam notifying us we’ve won a million bucks in an email lottery and that all we need to do is give our account details to collect the prize. But how many of us do this? Same here. There is no reason you should give money to a person you’ve only met online or by correspondence.

There are, of course, women who only date and marry guys with large bank accounts. But such a woman is easy to spot and avoid. If she insists on going out to a posh restaurant on the first date and orders the most expensive items on the menu, you can take it as a hint. If she looks like a Barbie on top of that – freshly tanned with shining hair and perfectly manicured hands – you can tell she spends a lot of time and money on looking that way. And surely she will try to “sell” herself for a good price.

One of the major reasons why foreign men come to Ukraine is because they can get much younger women here than they would ever dream of back home. One cannot blame them for that, as long as both parties know what they’re getting into. If a man is not looking for a partner, but rather a pretty doll to sleep with and to show off in public, then he’s making the right choice.

A lot of Ukrainian women are not the submissive dolls as they are portrayed by some men, but rather cheerful, amibitious, colorful personalities like these two women at the seasonal folk fair at Pirogovo ethnic museum on May8. (Yaroslav Debelyi)

If, however, he imagines there would be love, understanding and a sharing of interests, he’s quite delusional. When culture clash adds to a generation gap, a harmonious relationship is not a likely result. It might be that a girl has some father issues and the man imagines himself Hugh Hefner, which would make them a perfect couple. Yet psychological problems can hardly be considered wonderful grounds for marriage.

Another, more appalling cliche is that Ukrainian women are pretty but shallow. In one comment to a recent opinion article on Ukrainian women, a man generalized that there is not much behind the beautiful facade of a Ukrainian woman. How does he know this? His pretty wife is silly, uncommunicative and computer illiterate, he wrote. I wonder what is behind the facade of a man who marries a woman for her looks alone and then expects her to be smart. I have some new information for him: his choice of a wife doesn’t give him the right to claim he knows much about Ukrainian women. There are plenty of us who can easily outsmart him.

But, of course, all stereotypes pale in comparison to this one: That an unmarried girl who wants a visa to travel abroad is a prostitute. The topless “protests” of the Femen group of women activists are not helping. Their passion for stripping as a way to rally against social or political injustices only raises the eyebrows of foreign onlookers, who can hardly understand how dressing (or undressing) as a prostitute proves that you are not one.

Not surprisingly, the multitude of women who marry or strive to marry abroad cast a shadow on local men. As result, a lot of foreigners believe that a typical Ukrainian man is an alcoholic and a cheater with no capability to support his family. There are plenty of good men who don’t fit this description. They don’t drink much. They have jobs. They share house duties and child care with their spouses. But there is one sad truth: female population of Ukraine exceeds male by three million. The ratio of eligible bachelors to all other men is even more dramatic.

Thus, having such little choice and finding it too hard to compete with so many other attractive women in this country, Ukrainian ladies broaden their search through marriage agencies and the Internet. There is nothing reprehensible about it. But I wish that foreign men, who turn to Ukraine in search of a perfect wife, would not see local women as a particular type that can be described in one sentence. Like anywhere in the world, women here are all different. Instead of complaining about their bad computer skills or lack of table manners, learn to look behind the surface and deeper than the pleasant appearance.

If you’re looking for a partner with personality, you can find one here or anywhere else. If all you want is to marry the prettiest and youngest girl you can get, well then, don’t complain or spread cliches and stereotypes about Ukrainian girls, if you have never bothered to dig deeper.


Kyiv Post lifestyle editor Alexandra Matoshko can be reached at [email protected].