Due to slight miscommunication with my editors at the Post, somehow two black dancers at Dynamo Lux were described in my column as Тdark-skinned friends.У I didnХt write that.
In fact, when I opened the paper for my weekly dose of narcissism and read those words, my stomach tightened and my eyes rolled. I didnХt know whether to laugh or be horrified. What I had intended as a critique of a possibly racist show was twisted into an offensive and bizarre epitaph. And now the phrase Тdark-skinned friendsУ was associated with my byline in print, on the record.
I imagined floods of hate mail filling our mailboxes, denouncing me as a patronizing racist bastard who should fry for eternity in the deepest level of hell. Any future political career I may have envisioned for myself had been hopelessly shot.
Then I remembered that I donХt live in America anymore. Perhaps such a phrase would be perceived as racist only in hypersensitive, ethnologically confused America. Maybe in Kyiv, it isnХt such a big deal. No harm intended, right? I mean, Ukrainians, like most people around the world, have reasonably clear-cut ethnic slots to fit people in. Ironically, only in America, where ethnicity lines are blurrier than the sidewalk after a night at EricХs, are we so hung up on calling people the right thing.
Think about the phrase Тdark-skinned.У All right, so itХs a little vague. It could be used to describe Arabs, the indigenous people of the Americas, Africans, even perhaps a tan Italian. But then, how accurate is the more commonplace label, Тblack?У
While these two guys at Dynamo Lux did pack a lot of melanin, they were by no means black; nor are most people whom we call black. Brown wonХt work either: it has already been appropriated by those searching for a name for the masses of oppressed non-white and white but dark people who arenХt simply black (black as in somehow connected to Africa). After all, many poor Central and South American mestizos are officially Caucasians, but still have their rights trampled on because of their color.
We Americans, pioneers in the name game, figured out that the best way to label someone was with a hyphen. African-American, Irish-American, Hmong-American. That way we could include everyone in our happy little melting pot, while figuring out what shade they were at the same time.
But when we cross the ocean, the problem re-emerges. I mean, how would you label these two dancers touring with an Amsterdam DJ? African-Dutch? I donХt know if they were Dutch, and besides, it just doesnХt have the right ring.
Thus, we entered into the gray zone of racial typing in Kyiv: What are we supposed to call people who are not white? It is especially confusing because Caucasian here doesnХt mean white at all, but someone from the Caucuses, who are perceived as another race/nationality by Ukrainians.
Granted, no one seems overly concerned. Perhaps because it doesnХt come up too often. In a town where people of African decent (far too wordy) are next to nonexistent, American journalists havenХt found a reasonable or accurate term.
Still, this conundrum hardly makes up for the ridiculous and condescending Тdark-skinned friends.У It sounds like some sort of freaky colonial missionary-speak for them wild natives. I can picture some well-meaning, 19th-century religious fanatic traipsing through the jungle, writing dear old mum, ТWell, you know our dark-skinned friends have some quite peculiar habits.У
But, oh well. Hopefully none of my dark-skinned friends took offense, and IХll let them know the moment we come up with a better term.
