Single, female and proud of it! Last night I sat at the corner of the table and sipped my tea from a chipped cup. I have lived in this country long enough to know that, superstitiously speaking, these acts have tremendously decreased my chances of ever getting married. I know that if I continue this behavior, I am quite possibly doomed to live my life single and probably childless, too. Many of my Ukrainian friends Р and many strangers who have graciously offered me unsolicited advice Р think that being a woman over 25 and unmarried is a fate worse than death. It is such a serious predicament that there are a slew of Ukrainian superstitions about it. I am over the age of 25. Way over. And I am not married. Never have been. These two facts have prompted many conversations that usually begin with perfect strangers demanding to know why I am not married. Some of them Р usually older men on trains Р give me the once over and then mumble in a perplexed tone, ТYouХre pretty enough.У In an effort to be polite, I usually joke that I donХt need a husband because I have enough problems. This provokes strange looks, which I interpret to mean that my inquisitor thinks I am a lesbian. Last year I was interviewed by a reporter about an educational project I was working on. Not surprisingly, the interview immediately turned to my marital status. Not wanting to be portrayed as a lesbian in the newspaper, I patiently explained to the female reporter that, no, I was not married. I explained that I had lived in four states and traveled to more than a dozen countries on four continents. I have swum in half a dozen of the worldХs oceans and seas. I have learned to say, ТBeer, please,У in at least 10 languages. I was born in a capitalist country and I live in the former Soviet Union. I am leading an interesting life. ТThen why canХt you find a husband?У she asked. ТArgh! I donХt need a husband,У I replied. ТThen how can you ever hope to be happy?У Perhaps it is no coincidence that those who are most disturbed by my marital status are people who are either divorced or married to imbeciles. It must have something to do with the Soviet mentality that to suffer is honorable. No matter. I have decided to give in, get married, maybe have a couple of kids, and if it turns out badly, I can always call it quits. That way, whenever some stranger asks if I am married, I can raise my head proudly and proclaim, ТIХm divorced.У Diana Elliott is 30-something and single. Marriage is not the end I am all for feminism and equality between the sexes. My parents were married when they were both 37. Unlike many Ukrainian moms and dads they always encouraged me to study and develop a career rather than to look for Тa nice guy from a decent family.У Though IХm too young for marriage by Western standards and I even kind of enjoy the benefits of single life, I must confess that I secretly admire my girlfriends who have chosen to get married and have babies. Instead of empty talk about equality, many of my married friends have managed to establish this equality in their families by bringing up their husbands along with their children. The majority of Ukrainian women donХt stop working when they get married. And most of them earn as much as men. They can become even more successful in their careers by spending less energy searching for romance and adventure. Married life is not without adventure. Raising a child on a Ukrainian salary is quite an adventure. To find a babysitter in Kyiv is a good test for those looking for challenges in life. Unfortunately, early marriages have gradually become an attribute of undeveloped countries. In developed countries there is no need to prove that itХs OK to be single. The majority of successful young professionals in the West are unmarried. If you are under 25 and married, you are treated like a stupid cow. Why is it that one of the most potentially joyful events in life has been turned into a sort of dead end by Western civilization? ItХs no wonder that the marital age in certain prosperous countries will soon coincide with the retirement age. Will elderly women deliver babies so they can get an additional subsidy from the government? Not all people who have chosen to be single have fantastic careers and travel all over the world. A healthy percentage are simply commitment-phobic egoists wasting their boring lives for nothing. Those who are divorced at least made an effort. So if Diana Elliott ends up with a couple of kids and no husband I swear to babysit them for years while sheХs traveling around the world. Olga Kryzhanovska is 20-something and single. Is marriage an honorable institution that all young women should strive for? Or is it more like a prison that should be avoided until youХre captured by the right person? Let us know what you think. Write to us at [email protected].
