Or, how fiddling around with fidelity can make the pain of deception go away
ale romance in a faraway land. My first visit to Kyiv back in May was a dream come true. The golden cathedrals, cobblestone streets and simple street corner markets of Kyiv caught my eye. The Russian salad and borsch whet my appetite. The people of Kyiv captured my heart.
Then came the Syrian-blooded, blue-eyed beauty from Donetsk. I’ll call this person “Vie,” an appropriate name because it calls to mind the mythical creature from the popular Gogol tale with the same title who didn’t let anyone pull the wool over his eyes.
Vie taught me some very important lessons about fidelity – you know, that old-fashioned moral code that tells us it’s good and right to be faithful to the one you love. These concepts transcend international boundaries, or so I thought.
After three months of daily phone calls to Kyiv during which we repeatedly declared our love and devotion for each other (you should see my phone bill.), we decided we would live together in Kyiv. So Prince Charming (that’s me) left his family, friends and life in New York and set out to be with his true love in Ukraine. Now comes the part of the fairytale where things go terribly wrong. Not long after I’d arrived Sept. 2 (two days to be exact), Vie decided that it would be best if we lived separately for awhile. With no friends or relations here in Kyiv, I found myself sleeping on the floor in the bedroom of the brother of a girlfriend of Vie’s. A couple of days after that, I was informed by acquaintances that Vie had another man and was “in love” with both him and me.
To say I was confused, hurt and felt completely abandoned by all this would be putting it mildly. I’m no saint, and I do have a tendency to rush into things at times in my life. But I thought that when two people say they love each other and want to share a life together, it means just that. Are the rules of the game different here in Ukraine when it comes to romance and fidelity? If so, I’m not so sure I want to play.
– John Maresco
Follow your desire, forget about morality!
I bet many readers shed a tear after reading John’s story. However there is nothing new or sensational in it, since there is nothing more common than a deceived lover. Cheating on your lover is human nature and an international phenomenon.
The only difference in Ukraine is that there are no Sensitive New Age Guys here, especially in coal-mining areas, such as Donetsk. There are a few good reasons why Ukrainian women flock to foreign men. Financial stability and a comfortable life in a civilized Western country are two. True love is more of an exception than a rule. Besides that, Ukrainian women are not accustomed to nice men talking about their feelings.
I knew Ukrainian men who were embarrassed to bring me flowers because they considered it too banal and would rather swallow their tongue than talk about love. Actually it amused me rather than bothered me, since I don’t trust men who talk too much, especially on the phone, and especially when it concerns oaths of fidelity.
Let’s look on the bright side. Imagine what would have happened with the world’s poetry, arts and civilization if there was no adultery, if love was without pain? If all lovers were faithful to each other, there would be no Eugene Onegin, Casanova or even Scarlet O’Hara. Culture wouldn’t move any further than saccharine-sweet pop music and happy-ending fairytales.
Let’s take a more practical approach. It’s a well-known fact that married women who have lovers are more cheerful than their sisters who stay faithful to their gloomy, workaholic husbands. Take any famous woman in the history – Cleopatra, Catherine II, or Madonna. All had many lovers.
Fidelity is a term from the Christian morality code and has nothing to do with real love and real life. Love is a game with no rules, John, since it is ruled by passion and instincts, rather than ethics and socially acceptable behavioral models. Love is even considered an excuse for bad behavior. That’s why jealous lovers who murder their spouses are judged by different laws than contract killers .
– Olga Kryzhanovska
What are your thoughts about fidelity? Send your response to [email protected] by Oct. 3, and you could win lunch for two at Evrika.
