Last week, we asked readers about marriage: Is marriage an honorable institution that young women should enter as early as possible, or is it something that should be delayed until women have more life experience? This weekХs winner is Michelle Welch for her sardonic response. She wins two movie tickets, a box of chocolates and a condom.
IХd like to point out that it isnХt only the Soviet mentality to suffer honorably. Americans would like you to think theyХre liberal from a marriage perspective. But only if theyХre already married. ItХs always:
ТOh, I was like you before I got married (read: happy). But life is so much better now that I met Buffoon. HeХs so … well, stifling that I donХt really want to travel the world and learn new things and meet new people. No siree, I love my 27-car garage much better.У And then there are the bitter ones who would really like to see you married just so youХll have suffered as they have. Yeah, unfortunately, the olХ Soviets donХt corner the moron market. Capitalists and communists (former, I suppose) alike love to pooh-pooh the truly happy ones Р the proud, single females.
Michelle Welch
Boston
When I was reading both opinions I wondered if IХd find one, I believe, key word for this theme. I mean Тlove.У In theory, although less frequent in practice, marriage and family life suppose love, care and support.
I was surprised that the ТkeyУ word was omitted in favor of rather dreadful picture of social imprisonment. No, IХm not the type to expect crazy love or the long-awaited prince. I just think that marriage is possible when a woman really feels a need (for different reasons) for sharing her life and her inner world with that very man.
But if she is self-sufficient and comfortable being single, I donХt see whatХs the problem. At least, being single doesnХt mean being alone, and to live as you want is more important than to fulfill what others expect of you.
Natalia Rudnichenko
Kyiv
Being single is cool, regardless of gender. Marriage is, among other things, a ton of work and a huge risk. The fact of the matter is that a very high percentage of marriages end in divorce. So why should anyone think less of a woman for not marrying? If anything, she should get respect. To stay single is to go against the program. Marriage is what everybody is supposed to do.
Nobody is supposed to get a divorce. So what is with all these kids today who live with just one parent? Ms. ElliottХs stance is one of practicality and strength. She is a woman with a mind. She lives in the real world.
Alex Medina
Kyiv
Marriage is not a prison if you donХt make prison out of it.
For many Ukrainian women, marriage, for many reasons, still means sacrificing their own independence to a man spoiled by his mother (95 percent of Ukrainian males are) who would not welcome wives going out alone and things like this, expecting from them their own mothersХ model of behavior; therefore it means never-ending cooking, washing, cleaning and bringing up children without the husbandХs help together with attempts to make a successful career (or without them). That is what the average Ukrainian man expects you to do.
Women should stop playing these male games Р making stupid sacrifices and being kept at home like pussy cats. They must teach males to treat them as equal partners in marriage and everything else. Unless this is achieved, a husband is not the best thing to have in your life. But if it is done, marriage can be rather enjoyable.
Yulia McGuffie
Kyiv
One should wait until they are mature enough to handle the commitment, but time is not the main factor of choice, itХs the emotion one feels.
Michael Sito
Kyiv
This is quite a serious topic and could be the subject of a doctoral thesis. In any case, being that IХve been there and done that (the marriage thing, that is), I couldnХt refrain from contributing my two cents.
My wife (now estranged) and I were both quite young when we married back in 1993 Р my wife 19, and I 22. She is a Russian woman whom I met in the dormitory while studying in Moscow. Our pre-marital affair was intense but short, and we soon decided to get married. We lasted for just under six years, managing in that time to have a child. Marriage is an honorable institution, but whatХs the rush? Is it really more acceptable to be 23, 24 or 25 and divorced? What about the children who get caught up in the inevitable bitterness that ensues?
Traditionally, Slavic women (and, Olga notes, women in other less well-off countries) tend to marry at an earlier age. There was a time in the U.S. when early marriages were more the rule than the exception. The roots of this can certainly be found in UkraineХs strongly rural history and are probably connected with the misconception that marriage automatically brings stability. The latter may be true to a certain extent, but stability and a sense of responsibility are more factors of age than marital status. At the same time, the responsibilities that marriage implies are enormous and nothing to be made light of. American society is more accepting of older single women (and men, for that matter), while here in Ukraine it seems somewhat odd, as Diana has pointed out, if youХre over 25 and unwed. This could be a developmental issue, but if you look at the saddening divorce statistics in both countries, my feeling is that waiting for Mr. Right (or Ms. Right) is really the best bet.
Roy Nygaard
Kyiv
Although each country has its own traditions, each country also has a main stream especially for marriage that depends on economical and psychological development of the population. ItХs OK in the U.S. (and a lot of developed countries) if you are female, much over 25 and single. But itХs not OK in Moldovia, Romania or Zimbabwe. In Ukraine you can meet a lot of single, young women who are developing their careers and not thinking about marriage in the nearest future. But just in the big cities. And of course, you are surrounded by old-fashioned Ukrainians who chat about a womanХs age, marital status and attractiveness. But to be married or not is a womanХs decision.
Nataliya Libet
Kyiv
