Then risk an administrative fine of Hr 51 by enjoying a “street beer” for less than $1 when exiting at any of the nearby kiosks that are usually found hugging desolate-looking public places. Despite a nationwide prohibition on carrying open alcoholic beverages, thirsty pedestrians can often get fresh beer on tap at major intersections in summertime. As an added bonus, babushkas sometimes sell loosies, or individual cigarettes, for those who are in denial of their addiction.
Kyiv’s quirky side is perhaps one of its most endearing traits. Like a good meal and wine pairing, the city’s wacky features go well with my idiosyncrasies. For example: Do you have the urge to be weighed? Just head to the main artery on Khreshchatyk Street, drop Hr 2 (less than $0.20), step on the scale and listen to the vendor provide self-evident weight-loss advice like, “you need to walk more and stop eating fast food.”
But should a marshrutka ride substitute that advice, visitors to Kyiv will soon discover the “honor code” that exists inside these compact mini-buses. I especially marvel at the large banknotes being passed from the back to the front, and then watch the driver with one hand negotiate the steering wheel and gear box while breaking a Hr 100 note with the other for a fare of Hr 2.50, followed by the same 10 people passing the change back to the patiently waiting passenger.
Speaking of marshrutkas and their larger cousins, buses, take notice of the “interior decorating”inside some of these moving gems. They often include violet-colored or soiled curtains that I believe were once cotton white, statuettes with bobbing heads carefully placed on furry dashboards, lewd signs in Russian for one’s reading pleasure, and Orthodox icons that are supposed to potect the bus. The soundtrack to this beauty is defined by the driver’s unvaried musical tastes that either fall into the Russian chanson or ethnic-folk categories, intermingled with radio news and weather reports.During normal business hours, a couple that is split between wanting pizza and sushi can easily settle on both at any number of pizza-sushi combo joints in the center. After hours, head to McDonald’s, even if it’s closed. Their drive-thrus serve pedestrians, bicyclists and rollerbladers as well, if one could handle the fume intake from the idly standing cars.
Need quicker transportation? Hail a gypsy cab that will promptly put you in your place. Brace yourself for more chanson music, and enjoy the driver talking about how Ukraine should wage war against America so that it could lose quickly and surrender, only to receive a multi-billion dollar Marshall Plan in return.
But should walking be preferred, don’t be surprised if a whole day of outdoor shopping is spent without ever receiving at least one proof of purchase for an item, starting with the initial cab ride from the airport.While passing by trees whose bottom halves are mysteriously painted white – there is a reason, and it has something to do with protecting the bark – food, artwork, faux Chanel bags and the latest movies on DVD can all be had with cash, but without a receipt.
Speaking of outdoors, be sure to drop some loose change in the collection box to feed the squirrels in the Botanical Garden behind the beet-colored Shevchenko University. In need of something more intense than a walk, head to the outdoor gym in Hydro Park to lift weights in the woods, but don’t forget insect repellent.
Indoors, the underground economy flourishes as well. Metrograd comes to mind where authentic Hermes cologne could be bought at a branded store right next to the stall that sells cheap knockoffs at a 75 percent discount.
As for public procurement, I’m still baffled why the city would give municipal housing employees string trimmers for use in cutting grass lawns. That’s what makes Kyiv so elusively charming, and one that I miss when I’m away.
Kyiv Post editor Mark Rachkevych can be reached at [email protected].
