“In Ukraine it is understood that a woman puts behind her social life after the birth of her child, and that she must be self-denying and dedicate herself wholly to the well-being of the child,” says Olga Svatova, a high school friend, a mother of a one-year old daughter and a brand manager at Schwarzkopf and Henkel in Kyiv.

I witnessed this matriarchal selflessness since childhood: my mother and grandmothers epitomized the role of domestic queens exclusively caring for their husbands and children.

However, after moving to the U.S. for college at age 17, I began to see that motherhood didn’t mean the end of my life, just a transformation of it into something else. And maybe something better.  

On the first day of classes at my university, I was shocked to see that a classmate had brought her baby to class. I immediately judged her, feeling pity for her sad situation, until after class her handsome husband came in with a kiss and whisked the child away for his shift. I realized that, unlike Ukraine, this wasn’t a shameful accident, but an intentional balancing of motherhood and personal development. I encountered scenes like this everywhere–in the U.S. being a mother wasn’t a woman’s only identity—just one facet.

After 11 years in the U.S., despite all intentions to the contrary, I fell in love with and married a blond American boy. We now live in Cambridge, Massachusetts and six months ago, we had our first child. As a new mother, I immediately felt integrated into society and supported in doing the things I used to enjoy when I was single. There are activities specifically designed for mothers so they can remain involved in the community. My local yoga studio hosts classes where women can practice yoga while nursing a baby, the public library has sing-alongs and craft hours free of charge. And, many churches in Cambridge provide free daycare during choral concerts and services. Even restaurants make it easy to bring our baby in with ramps and elevators for strollers.

In contrast, In Ukraine, it’s complicated to go about usual activities involving children.  “In Ukraine it’s not acceptable to bring small children (less than 1 year old) to public places with you. There are no accommodations for it — no ramps, no nursing chairs, no changing tables. When people see you in public with an infant, they frown upon you, as if saying, you are selfishly concerned about your own entertainment without thinking of the child,” says Svatova.

When Svatova and her husband took their newborn daughter to Dream Town shopping mall, a stranger pointed out that the baby shouldn’t be there, since she may get a cold being exposed to the air conditioner.

But American accomodation for motherhood is not just limited to logistical conveniences. There is growing acceptance of mothers pursuing serious careers. Employers are willing to hire new mothers with flexible terms. A friend is employed at an educational nonprofit with the condition that she leaves work every day at 4:45 p.m. to pick up her son from daycare and pumps milk in a conference room at work. Companies are recognizing that mothers can be valuable employees with much to contribute.

In Ukraine, this blending of a woman’s role as a professional building a career and a mother is still uncommon.  Svatova believes that it’s an unspoken expectation of all good mothers to take advantage of lengthy maternity leaves, often a full three years according to the law. Bucking the norm, Svatova went back to work part-time after 10 months of giving birth.

“My friends keep bugging me about why I came back to work so early and asking me if I regret my decision. I explain that for me, its not impossible to be both a good professional and a good mother,” says Svatova.

I have come to believe that staying integrated in society as a mother isn’t just about preserving some of my freedom. Rather, it helps me be a better mother because I am able to flourish and grow as a person, and pass on my enthusiasm to my child.  For, above all, a good mother is a happy mother.

Mariya Manzhos is a former Kyiv Post staff writer living in Cambridge, Massachusetts, with her husband, Zachary Davis, and their six-month-old son Ari.