Alesya Tominaga – The Odesa resident moved to Japan after her marriage to a Japanese man, but has returned with her family for the next few years to raise two daughters with her husband.
Kyiv Post: Where are you from in Ukraine?
Alesya Tominaga: I was born in Komi Republic, Russia, in 1982. My mother is from Belarus. My father is Ukrainian. My parents worked in a factory in Usinsk.
In 1994, my family made enough money to stop that hard work and leave the north of Russia. So we came to Odesa. In Odesa, I finished my school. Then I entered the state law academy in 1999. But I did not finish my studies.
KP: When did you leave; why did you leave?
AT: After four years, I met a first foreign boyfriend and left with him to southern Spain. We were together three years. In Spain, I did nothing! I only studied Spanish in school in Marbella, took in the sun, swam in the pool and did luxury things.
My relations with this boyfriend came to an end and I returned to Odesa because I did not want to stay alone in Marbella at that time. I didn’t continue my studies in Odessa. At the time, I thought I had more knowledge and experience than my co-students.
I was so young and stupid, of course. So, I was work in different places, but it was always like a secretary work in some offices. But it was always too little money, not more than $200 a month!
But then the economy in Ukraine was more or less OK and real estate prices were rising almost every month! So I and my mama decided to start our own business of buying very old and broken apartments but always in the best areas.
Then we repaired them and put them up for sale with a profit. And we started to make our own money with those apartments. My parents divorced one year after I entered the law academy and it was a very hard time.
My work with apartments allowed me to travel where I wanted to go. I traveled to many countries and beautiful resorts, sometimes with my mama.
KP: How did you end up in Japan?
AT: I met a Japanese man. It was the most romantic relations in my life, with no stress. It was just a perfect relationship. What I really appreciated in this relationship is that we had the same sense of humor. So when he asked me to marry, sure I agreed!
So we met in November 2007, and we got married already on April 5, 2008! It’s my birthday, by the way. In January 2009, we got our first baby! And May 1, 2010, our second baby arrived! The second pregnancy was a surprise for me.
But I at once decided to keep her and not once did I regret it! Two babies are much cooler than one baby! But it is also double work, of course. Both of my babies were born in Odesa.
KP: What family do you have in Odesa?
AT: My mama and my sister are here and they are helping me a lot with my children. Everywhere we go, we travel with kids. So, the first big difference between our Ukrainian mentality and Japanese mentality: Here in Ukraine, only bad grandparents do not help to look after grandchildren.
Every good grandma in Ukraine will ask to sit with her grandchild and it’s not a something special! It’s normal in Ukraine! But in Japan, the parents of my husband are very good, educated and really good and kind people in all ways.
But they will never sit with grandchildren more than driving the baby in a car while the baby is sleeping in! It’s just the way they are, I think. They do not have this culture as Ukrainian families, where grandparents are always there to help to look after grandchildren! So it was a really big difference.
The second difference is a very difficult mentality. Japanese people always sacrifice their feelings, thinking and wishes for the good of society. Japanese people never want to give a problem to society. Foreigners come to Japan and wonder (the same as me) – How cool! They are so polite!
But it is not the way they are! They sacrifice! They do and act such to be acceptable by society. And I respect the Japanese people really, but I want my children to grow up with our Ukrainian mentality, kind of a European mentality. I want my baby girls to think and act freely.
For example, if a Japanese child comes home crying to mama and says that other children punched him, the Japanese mama will tell her child to be strong and keep patient. But if for God’s sake, my child comes to me crying and telling that somebody hit her.
I will give my baby a big stick and will teach her to hit back so hard that other kids will not dare to hit anymore!
So, I am not ready to compromise my opinion on this subject.
What I want to say is that I will never leave Ukraine forever. It’s not really my homeland, but it is the homeland of my kids.
KP: What do you miss in Ukraine when you are living abroad?
AT: What do I miss in Ukraine? I cannot answer right away so maybe that means I do not really miss something here. But maybe I miss that area where I was living when we just moved to Odesa from Usinsk, Russia. I miss my first address here.
It’s not even a cool area to live! Now I live in the best area in Odesa. But I really miss my first address. At least once or twice a year, I go there just to walk and pass by the house where I lived and look at the balcony of my first home.
You know, the more I travel, the more I realize that I do not want to spend my live in one place. It is my luck that my husband shares my wishes and I think it will be good for our kids.
I forgot to say the best thing about Ukraine: the doctors! I mean the real humanity. For example, when I was in Spain with my first baby, I was still breast feeding her and suddenly my milk stopped and I’ve got a high fever of 39, 39.3. I was really in bad, bad condition.
And I went to the best private hospital in Marbella with hope to get real help. So I stand with a fever at the reception and almost want to fall on the floor. The lady said I need to pay a deposit of 300 euros.
So I paid. I got a receipt and they showed the chair where I can wait for a doctor. Can you imagine – wait for doctor with a temperature of 39? I felt really like I am dying.
Something like this would never, never happen here in Ukraine!! If you need medical help, you will get it and not for 300 euros, but 50-100 hryvnias. The doctors here in Odesa are the best on earth. But there is no justice. I am ashamed to say the official salaries of Ukrainian doctors – shame for Ukraine.
KP: Where do you see your future?
AT: The only real thing I definitely want to do in this life is to change my Ukrainian passport for a “better” country. I mean one that does not require visas for travel. My kids were born in Odesa, and it is also something for them to be proud of.
I will teach them to be proud of it! But when they were born, I asked my husband to make for them Japanese citizenship, only because it is their ticket to the world!
I know what I am saying. I travel a lot, also with my babies. We have traveled since they were six months old. With our kids we went to Germany, Spain, Andorra, Czech Republic and Japan.
And each time my husband and my kids do not need a visa to go anywhere. They pass through the passport control so easy! But I and my mama, we both need visas.
So for all the old European Union countries, we need to collect a lot of documents, then we still get stressed out over whether we will get a visa or not. This passport issue may not seem serious, but for me it is serious.
KP: What do you think about the future of Ukraine?
AT: I not really believe changes in the near future. It was like this here in Ukraine when I left to Spain for the first time in my life in 2004, and it is still the same seven years later.
KP: What about your other family in Ukraine?
AT: In Ukraine, my younger sister remains with her husband. They do not have kids yet. She is too young; she is 22, her husband is 34. They also have a dream to live in Italy, but now they are not yet ready for some actions. They still feel OK in Ukraine also. I do not really keep contact with my father.
KP: What do you wish for your county?
AT: I want my country just to become more beautiful, clean and have things of better quality. I mean things like roads! I like the mentality of my people, I mean in general.
If government will not steal money for private bank accounts, if they will use money to invite Germans and Japanese with their technology to build roads and bridges and metro and train stations here in Ukraine, I believe people will learn to take care of such things.
People will feel pride for their own country and feel respect from the government. People will learn to smile.
For example, I can say “I am lucky I am Ukrainian” only after traveling to India. I’ve been there with my friends. It’s really a crazy country, so poor! Even Ukrainian people, if they have no good monthly incomes, they at least have some flat which is worth at least some $50,000-$60,000.
KP: Do you think your wishes will come true for Ukraine?
AT: Maybe, but definitely not soon. If one day it will happen, and I will see Ukraine as a proud and beautiful country with beautiful people, I will buy the best champagne and celebrate! Maybe by that time my kids will already be proud that they were born in Ukraine.
I hope I can spend all my life living in different countries with my family, of course. My mother told me, as in the U.S.S.R., my parents worked north of Russia and earn really a lot of money. But they were not able to travel anywhere except U.S.S.R. countries.
Now I realize how bad it is to limit people so strictly. But that was a hard time for our parents’ generation.
It’s so strange, but mostly people of that generation miss the U.S.S.R. so much! I can never understand it. I was born in the U.S.S.R., but while I was growing up, the world changed.
When I grew up and we made some money, I brought my mom to Dubai, Singapore, Germany, Spain, Andorra and the Czech Republic. And you know what? My mom started to better understand me!
Before, when I used all my money for travel, she was angry and told me that I better spend money to continue my studies. But now she understands me.
