Of all the surprises that the Victor Pinchuk Show, formally known as the annual Yalta European Strategy conference, had in store this year, the most entertaining one was the English-language skit performed by President Volodymyr Zelensky’s Kvartal 95 former comedy troupe.
Pinchuk’s 16th annual YES, which ended on Sept. 14, must have cost the billionaire oligarch millions of dollars alone in honorariums for just two Hollywood stars alone — Robin Wright and Mila Kunis.
4 special guests
When he wants to keep the suspense going, Pinchuk puts simply “special guest” on the agenda. He did that in four places this year: for Kvartal 95, whose members performed on the evening of Sept. 13; Wright, Kunis and “Chernobyl” miniseries creator Craig Mazin, with a lunchtime slot signifying he was probably the financial bargain of the group.
Pinchuk doesn’t like to talk about how much he spends on honorariums, but the 2017 annual report of the Victor Pinchuk Foundation — the last one I could find online — showed he spent $3.5 million on YES that year.
I’m not sure why Wright was brought in. She has a pleasant persona and she’s a great actress, but I missed the connection to Ukraine or the YES event, other than she played a president, Claire Underwood, on TV, like President Volodymyr Zelensky did on “Servant of the People.” Combined with actor Kevin Spacey’s appearance two years ago, one can conclude that Pinchuk likes the “House of Cards” serial.
Actress Robin Wright is interviewed by David Rubenstein, co-founder and co-executive chairman of The Carlyle Group, at the Yalta European Strategy conference in Kyiv on Sept. 13, 2019. (Aleksandr Indychii/YES)
Kunis charms
Kunis, however, has a direct Ukrainian connection — even though she’s run from it in the past.
She showed up on Saturday night, the last night of the conference, with husband and fellow actor Ashton Kutcher. She was interviewed on stage by TV celebrity journalist Fareed Zakaria, where she recounted, as she has done in countless interviews before, her Ukrainian roots.
She was a very charming, loquacious and gregarious conversation partner in Zakaria’s hands. Her husband is eloquent as well, talking seriously about Ukraine’s information technology potential if it can put an end to hackers and other lawless behavior emanating from the country.
I thought that, while speaking in a room packed with hundreds of people, the video of the event would be available online later. But it turns out that Kunis didn’t allow the YES organizers to post the video. There’s some snippets floating around YouTube for the curious.
Ukraine roots
This time, Kunis was more charitable about Ukraine and her connection to the nation. Even though she left when she was seven years old, in 1991, moving to America as Jewish refugees, she said that Ukraine made her — and especially mader her parents. But naturally she identifies more with America, where she’s lived for 29 out of her 36 years.
She didn’t win any fans in Ukraine in 2014, when Russia launched its ongoing war and Ukraine’s survival was at stake, she told a journalist Stephen Witty of the Star-Ledger newspaper in New Jersey: “I know what your next question is, so let’s just skip it,” she said. “You’re going to ask me what I think about what’s going on now in Ukraine. Just because I lived there until I was seven doesn’t mean I identify with Ukraine.” She’s also had other unkind things to say, but still Ukraine claims her as its own. And she seems to have reconciled with her homeland, returning for the first time last year to her hometown of Chernivsti, the city of 262,000 people located 500 kilometers southwest of Kyiv, and then to the YES conference.
But the knockout performance of the Pinchuk Show came on Sept. 14, when Zelensky sat in the audience and then came up on stage for the first-ever English language performance from his former colleagues, three members of the cast of Kvartal 95.
Ukraine-born Hollywood actress Mila Kunis is interviewed by TV journalist Fareed Zakaria on Sept. 14 at the Yalta European Strategy conference in Kyiv. Her husband, actor Ashton Kutcher, also joined her on stage. (Brian Bonner)
Kvartal 95 skit
Comedian Yevgeniy “Baldie” Koshovyi hosted the 25-minute show.
“We were doubting for a long time, will this work or not (in English). but when we learned that the fee will be paid in the currency of the language we perform in, we were suddenly sure it would work out.”
Some other zingers:
“Over 15 years we worked with Mr Zelensky in a comedy show. Now he joined a competing comedy show, I very much hope our show will be more funny.”
Then to Wright: “My entire life is connected to your films. My childhood, ‘Santa Barbara.’ My youth, ‘Forrest Gump.’ As a grown-up, ‘House of Cards.’ With each film I am getting older and you stay the same, what is wrong with me?”
He also said “I just want to thank Great Britain separately for Brexit. The European Union will have a more difficult time to tell Ukraine there are no free places in the EU.”
Heads of state chat
They did a chat group comedy skit of world heads of state, with the following rolling on the screen after introductions:
Petro Poroshenko left the group.
England: Excuse me. This is Prince Harry. Grandmother wanted me to write that she is very happy to see everyone
Ukraine writes: Who is the administrator of this group?
Russia: I am
China: I am
USA: You wish!
Administrator deleted Russia and China from the group.
USA: Volodymyr we want to invest several billion dollars in Ukraine.
Petro Poroshenko returned to the group.
USA: In which area do you advise to invest, into agriculture or into metallurgy?
Poroshenko: Better into chocolate production.
North Korea joined the group.
Ukraine: Congratulations on the tart of internet in Ukraine
North Korea: Thank you, but I actually ran over to South Korea for five minutes.
South Korea: Worried.
North Korea: See what great stickers. Three missiles.
USA: Great stickers. But you don’t have to send them to me.
Ukraine: We would like to discuss the credit issue.
IMF left the group.
Ukraine: When can we pay back the tranche?
IMF rejoined the group
Ukraine: And get a new one?
IMF left the group
USA: You are such a beautiful lady.
USA deleted the message.
USA: Sorry, wrong chat.
Russia: We want to discuss the annexation issue.
Ukraine: Go ahead.
Russia: What do you think if we annex half of Great Britain?
France, Germany, USA: We will impose sanctions.
Russia: So nobody has anything against it.
USA: We buy Greenland.
Greenland: Greenland is not for sale.
China: We’ll create a copy of it and sell it to you for 10 times cheaper.
USA: Careful, today Russian hackers cracked my account.
Russian hackers: No, it’s not us.
Craig Mazin, writer-producer of “Chernobyl,” speaks at the Yalta European Strategy conference in Kyiv on Sept. 13, 2019. (Sergei Illin/YES)
Tymoshenko roasted
Comedian Elena Kravets played ex-Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko, who lost three races for president — in 2010, 2014 and 2019.
Addressing Wright in the audience, she said:
“I really wanted to be a president, but I lost to a comedian, I am kind of Hillary Clinton.”
And “Mrs. Underwood became president only in the sixth season. That means that the election after the next one will be my chance.”
Also: “many films in which you played are about me: ‘Look she’s so lovely,’ ‘9 lives,’ ‘Wonder Woman,’ and ‘The Conspirator.’”
Zelensky takes stage
They also employed “mind-reading technology,” articulating the thoughts of the person that camera focused on.
The funniest bit poked fun at Pinchuk for his rapacious oligarch ways in amassing his fortune under the privileges of his father-in-law, ex-President Leonid Kuchma.
Pinchuk: “Great Petrus 1989 wine, what a taste, probably I should have shared it with the others.”
Zelensky: “Mr. Pinchuk’s conference is good, well-organized, everything is fine! All that is missing is Petrus 1989.”
Olena Kuchma Pinchuk: “ Zelensky does a lot of great things for Ukraine. He is a good president. But my dad is still the best.”
Olena Zelenska: “If Robin started in her serials as first lady and then became president, maybe I can also.”
Finally, Zelensky closed the performance with a comedy skit on stage, ostensibly interpreting the actor who plays Zelensky, from Russian to English, before thanking Pinchuk for the YES conference.
